the myth of the good death
Each individual's life journey is unique, and so too is their end. While circumstances of death can be similar, the experience itself is profoundly personal. Even when people share death in the same cause or setting, they don’t die the same way.
Is There Really Such a Thing as a Good Death?
The notion of a "good death" has become increasingly prevalent in contemporary discourse.
It conjures images of peace, dignity, and control.
Superficially, these romantic notions help us feel better, but investing in this picture of death may obscure the complexities of the dying process and create completely unrealistic expectations.
What are your “Shoulds” Regarding a Good Death?
You know how you want your death to unfold, right?
You know how you hope it will be. Right?
Your ‘Shoulds’ imply there is a right way to die, rather than acknowledging the unpredictable nature of death.
Look Out Ahead
The pursuit of “the good death" can create unfulfilled expectations.
Unfulfilled expectations lead to upset and suffering.
When you are in the process of dying, the last thing you need is to be upset that you are not dying the right way:
-Not dying the way you planned
-Not going the way it was supposed to go.
The “Good Death” is not True
Death, by its very nature, is disruptive, disorderly, and unpredictable.
Death is often MESSY.
Death defies categorization.
It does not fit in a box.
It is neither "Good" or "Bad.”
The truth is… It just is.
“Should” a future based in thought that keeps you from living fully in the present moment.
The pursuit of a "good death" can overshadow the importance of living fully in the present!
‘Shoulds’ encourage unbridled preoccupation, fear, and anxiety with the end of life, rather than focusing on being “here and now” in the present.
Yes, Before-I-Go planning is essential. But don’t allow planning to overshadow the richness and beauty of the life you are living Here and Now.
Death is Personal
What constitutes a "good death" for one person may be entirely different for another.
While we can strive to create circumstances that minimize suffering and maximize comfort, the idea of pursing the "good death" may be akin to searching for the mythical unicorn.
Perhaps it is more helpful to live fully in the present, while preparing for your death with openness, acceptance, and compassion.
Instead of focusing on an idealized outcome, work towards creating the conditions that foster peace, grace, and equanimity.
